NOAM GR!

EDIT: I was hoping I wouldn’t have to clarify this, but based on reactions on a different website I suppose I should: The following article is a parody.  It’s satire.   If you read the whole article this should be pretty obvious.  But I guess these days it’s hard to tell.  If you’ve never heard of The Secret or Hexagonal Water and you don’t get it, consider yourself one of the lucky ones.  And if you think this is real and you start sending me your own crazy quackeries, be prepared to be ridiculed.  There’s already been a casualty, and I don’t wish to see any more.

Though if you have links to other crazy shit feel free to post it for a good laugh

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The Even More Secreter Secret:

A Guide To Quantum Life Improvement

Ever wonder why physicists win the lottery more often and are less prone to crippling diseases?  Ever wonder why physicists are out there living the good life, partying all night long in their million dollar mansions and marrying supermodels while you’re stuck in some dead end job without any prospect of ever fulfilling your childhood dreams?

The answer is simple.  It’s a closely guarded secret that physicists have known about for nearly a century, and it’s just now finally being disclosed to the public:

**QUANTUM MECHANICS IS MAGIC!**

You see, Quantum Mechanics is very strange.  Even Nobel Prize winning physicist Richard Feynman is quoted as saying: “I think I can safely say that nobody understands quantum mechanics.”

What he clearly meant to say is that any crazy thing we make up about Quantum Mechanics must be true!

In Quantum Mechanics, it is impossible to know both the position and momentum of a particle, as shown by this formula I won’t bother to explain but I totally know what it means:

What is important to understand here is what this means in layman’s terms, and don’t look it up because I’ll tell you right now:  it means that everything is possible!  That’s right!  Absolutely anything and everything can happen at any point in time for no reason!

In Quantum Mechanics, atoms are made up of mostly empty space, yet empty space is filled with things called virtual particles.  So everything is made out of nothing and nothing is made out of everything?  Whoa, slow down there Slick! – What’s more, the mere act of measuring and observing something affects its nature!

So what does this mean to you and me? — Isn’t it obvious?  It meas WE CAN MAKE ANYTHING HAPPEN WITH OUR MINDS!!!

You see, **QUANTUM MECHANICS IS MAGIC!**

Any crazy shit you make up will come true!  Just look at Rhonda Byrne, she made up some crazy shit and now she’s a millionaire!

All you have to do is make three easy payments of $29.99 and within three weeks you well receive my Guide On Quantum Reality Life Improvement.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!

If you order the Guide On Quantum Reality Life Improvement right now, you will also receive a free sample of Quantum Water!!!!!

Quantum Water is made up of 100% naturally occurring  isotopes.  What’s more, it has been filtered by our experts and vortexed through a selectively permeable membrane.  At the molecular level, Quantum Water is permanently vibrating, even at room temperature!  Our leading experts personally guarantee that each water molecule in every bottle of Quantum Water has been oppositely charged at both ends; this electrically dipolar nature of Quantum Water will maximize the interchange of ions and the dilution of electrolytes within every cell of your body!

Every year, millions of Americans trust their health to filtered tap water.  Yet were you aware that the ingestion of only trace amounts of cyanide could prove fatal?  Were you aware that exposure to radioactive Uranium can cause cells in your body to mutate and become cancer cells?

Quantum Water is medically proven to hydrate your body.  Sign up now and receive a monthly shipment of Quantum Water right to you home.

And if this once in a lifetime offer doesn’t sound like the stupidest fucking thing you’ve ever heard, here are few more products that might be perfect for you!

In this video you can see the Water Vitalizer Plus at work! Watch as microclusters of hexagonal water form right before your eyes as Buddyguy adds Crystal Energy into the vortex!

You too can own your own Vitalizer Plus for only $439.99!  Or just make one yourself!:

Or how about:

But if all of these options are a bit too advanced for you, if you’re interested in wasting your money on more mainstream stupid shit first and then work your way up, you can always turn to the classics:

I highly recommend The Secret as the starting point for anyone who’s interested in dedicating their life to the pursuit of stupid shit to believe in.  Most importantly, remember not to listen to people who don’t want you to believe in stupid shit.  They’re just bitter because they can’t keep an open mind.